One
day before the birth of our first child, I realized I hadn’t blogged once since
we found out we were pregnant to document our progress and to keep a journal to
look back at down the road. I know- mother of the year, right? In my defense,
as I explained in the last post, it’s been an incredibly busy year. So, here it
is- in a nutshell…
As
2011 came to a close, Dustin and I were so excited to see what 2012 had in
store for us… Little did we know how our lives were about to change. We’d
started the adoption process in October of 2011 after five failed rounds of
infertility treatment. We’d had our ups and downs with the treatment and had
decided if the last one failed adoption was the next step. Getting the results
of my last blood test was bittersweet. It was almost as if I was excited that
the treatment had failed, because it meant we got to start on this new journey
toward adoption. We’d immediately started fund raising, traveling to Houston
for workshops, and getting the paperwork together that we would be required for
our home study. We’d met such wonderful people during this time and were
so thrilled to be a part of such a great community.
As
Christmas came and went and the New Year approached, Dustin and I had a couple
of conversations about what we thought the coming year would bring. Would we be
matched with a birth mother this year? Would she back out, or would she go
forward with it? How will our families deal with the process? These were all
things we’d hoped to address in the coming 12 months.
Then New Years. I’d been feeling pretty terrible
for a few days and of course blamed it on all of the New Years fun we’d had in
the days prior. When I didn’t feel better I figured I had something and decided
to make a doctor’s appointment. Thinking back, I can’t remember if it was me or
Dustin who suggested it, but one of us thought it would be a good idea for me
to take a pregnancy test before making the appointment just to rule that out. I
told Dustin how stupid it was that I was going to take a test… after all we’d
been through with the infertility treatments, there was no way I could be
pregnant.
Because of the holiday, I’d requested the following
day off work, so when I got up that morning, I took the test. I didn’t wait
until Dustin woke up to so that he could share in my anticipation as we waited
to see how many lines appeared… We didn’t even bother with that anymore.
Just as I was finishing up, I looked down at the
test and wouldn’t ya know… POSITIVE!
I remember chuckling to myself as “WHAT?!” was
the only word I could find. I quickly got up and hobbled over to the bed where
Dustin still laid sleeping, pulling my pants up with one hand and the test in
the other on the way. “Hey…Hey… Look at this!” I said as I came and sat down in
bed. “Are you pregnant?” He asked. “I don’t know… that’s what it says…” I
replied, confused. We grabbed my computer to find the closest OBGYN that could
get us in quickly. I wanted to confirm the pregnancy before either of us got
our hopes up. We were able to get into to see Dr. Kocay later that day, and
because I was already almost 9 weeks along, we were able to hear our baby’s
heartbeat for the first time. Even after the doctor confirmed and sounded
confident that we had a healthy baby on the way, I wouldn’t let myself believe
it. I was terrified that something would happen and we’d be devastated once again.
Finally, we’d made it to our 2nd
trimester and we felt comfortable enough to share the news with friends. Still,
I worried that something could still go wrong and we’d feel so foolish having
shared the news with everyone. Again, my anxiety was calmed when around 18
weeks, we learned that we weren’t just having a baby… we were having a GIRL!
Addelyn Mae would be her name. This was real.
By the time we hit 20 weeks, time seemed to be
flying... Halfway there. Then 25…Then 30. Around 32 weeks, the doctor expressed
concern that the baby was still breach, but that this is fairly typical and she
still had a 50% chance of flipping before delivery. As each week passed, and
she still hadn’t flipped, Dr. Kocay decided to go ahead and book an OR for a
c-section on August 2, at 39 weeks. This didn’t concern either of us- people
have c-sections all the time, and we were comfortable with his decision. At
least this way, we didn’t have to worry about any surprises and could be
prepared, right? WRONG!
Just yesterday, I was shopping at HEB, and
talking to my grandma on the phone about how we’ve only got a week to go before
Addelyn’s arrival. Just as we were wrapping up our conversation, BAM! I’d ran
my cart into a freezer display and the handle bar slammed back into my belly.
Had a not been 38 weeks pregnant, I would have said a couple choice words and
carried on with my shopping, but because she was still breach, the bar had
slammed right into the baby’s head. I wrapped up the conversation with Tutu as
I headed toward the register and grew more and more anxious as I thought about
how hard I’d run into it. I called Dustin to see what he thought, and he
suggested I call the doctor just to be on the safe side. Of course, at 4:58 PM,
they just couldn’t work me in, but asked me to come in at 8:30 the next morning
and they’d take a look.
By the time I’d made it to the car to load my
groceries, I was panicked and in tears. I called Dustin and asked him to come
home, because I wanted to go to the ER just in case. I knew I wouldn’t be able
to relax until I knew she was fine, and I didn’t want to wait until the
morning. We headed up to L&D and explained what had happened. The nurse wasn’t
concerned, but said she’d better take a look to be on the safe side and took me
back to triage. She hooked me up to the monitors and asked a million questions.
After about an hour and a half, they took me for a sonogram. Of course, the
sono tech didn’t say a word, which left us a little panicked as she moved the tool
around my belly. I figured she wasn’t allowed to until the doctor was able to
read the results, but wished she would have at least explained this to us.
When the results came back, the doctor on call
explained that she didn’t see any evidence of trauma to the baby and that we both
looked just fine. The only thing that concerned her a bit was the amount of
fluid around the baby. It was on the low side, but not low enough to indicate
the need for an emergency delivery. She suggested I see Dr. Kocay again in the
morning so that he could have a look, and to take it easy for the next week.
Perfect. Our anxieties were eased, and I was actually able to sleep!
Fast forward eight hours and I’m in the doctor’s
office for my follow up like we’d agreed last night. Brooke, one of the nurses
in the office, greeted me as she welcomed me back to the room and excitedly
asked, “Sooo, tomorrow, huh? How do you feel?!” Once again, “WHAT?!” was the
only word I could find. Apparently, the on call doctor was able to tell Dr.
Kocay about the lack of fluid around the baby and he’d decided that it would be
safer to take her at 38 weeks and a day than to risk that the fluid would
decrease even more.
I was expecting bed rest- not to meet my little
girl already! As much planning that’s been done over the last 7 months we never
expected to still have so much to do the night before Addelyn came. I’ve
probably made more phone calls than I ever have in one day before, I’ve done
some last minute shopping, and of course, treated myself to a pedicure. Tonight, Dustin and I are going to go out to
eat somewhere where I can absolutely stuff myself to the brim, because I’m not
allowed to eat after midnight tonight. I’m excited to write some pre-delivery
memories in her baby book and to get our bags packed for tomorrow.
I don’t know how I’ll ever sleep tonight… It
feels like Christmas Eve as a little kid… times a million. I can’t wait to hold
her, and to see Dustin hold her. I want to touch her tiny little fingers and
kiss her little nose. I want wrap her up tight and just stare at her. I wonder
what she’ll look like, and what she’ll be like as she grows. I’m so proud of
her already, and she’s not even here yet! I wish I knew of a more poetic way to
wrap this post up, but this time, instead of being at a loss for words, it
seems I have too many. So, I’ll end it on this note: Ready or not, here she
comes!
