More adoption progress!

Recently, Dustin and I attended our “weekend intensive workshop”, hosted by the agency we have chosen to facilitate our adoption. I took a half day at work the Thursday before as we closed on our house just hours before leaving for the workshop in Houston. I went to pick up the keys from the house, packed our bags, and we were off! We arrived at Angela’s house around nine Thursday night and chatted a bit before getting to bed early so we would be plenty rested for the day ahead. We got to the agency right on time and met the two other couples who we’d be spending the next day and a half with. Both of the couples were very interesting; one couple seemed to be about our age, and was very fun to talk to. Together, they ran marathons, and I mentioned to them how I wish I could put a marathon on my “bucket list” but I refuse to because I can’t imagine that I’ll ever actually be able to complete one. I told them how envious I was of their ability to do so.

After getting to know each other, we jumped right into the material our workshop facilitator had put together. We started with the process that we could expect to experience throughout our wait for a birthmother and child. This wait will certainly be the most frustrating part of the adoption process as we’re so anxious to expand our family. On a more positive note, we received a list of items we’ll need to gather and have approved before we can begin our home study, and we’re very excited to send each item off for approval as its completed (…if you know me well, you know how I feel about checklists!). We’ll also be able to begin writing our “Dear Birthmother” letter and creating our adoption profile.

We also received several books from the agency and are required to read two of them for our home study. Some of them talk about the relationship between a birthmother and the adoptive family, others talk about open adoption from the child’s point of view and some talked about how to address the questions and issues we can expect to face as the parents of a child with questions about their adoption.

While Dustin and I are extremely excited to welcome not only a child into our home, we are just as excited to welcome the birthmother into our family as well and are looking forward to allowing contact and visits to the extent that she is comfortable with. This is something that many have expressed concern about as it seems like a risky and unnecessary addition to the adjustments and chaos that come with having a newborn already. One of the things that were reinforced this weekend is how important this relationship is for not only our family, but for her as well. We feel that if this woman is giving us the gift of parenthood, how could we exclude her from our lives?! Some people tend to think that a child who is raised knowing their adoptive parents and birthparent(s) will grow up to be confused about who their “real” parents are. This, we have learned is a common stereotype, and is never the case in open adoption. Open adoption is not co-parenting any more than including a child’s aunt in his or her life is. Do we have concerns? Of course; what parent doesn’t have concerns?

We know our child will know the overwhelming love that two parents can provide, but also has the right to know the love of his or her birthmother. To keep the potential for such a valuable relationship from our child would be selfish. Our child will know the love not only of his or her two parents, but also that their birthmother loved him enough to give what she could have not provided herself.

Despite the chaos that followed as we began moving into our house the same night we returned home, we had a wonderful weekend.  We’re so excited that we’ve learned so much about what to expect throughout our adoption, and also about what we want out of the experience. This experience is what we make of it. It will be a long road; one full of anxiety, excitement, frustration, tears of sorrow, and tears of joy. This is OUR marathon. Let’s run.  :)

And the adoption process begins!

For the last several weeks, Dustin and I have anxiously awaited our upcoming appointment with the adoption agency we chose, and we were so thrilled to attend the session this past Saturday. We learned so much about the agency, and some of the common misconceptions about open adoption.

Our next step in the process is to attend a weekend-intensive workshop on December 16 & 17 where we will begin writing our “Dear Birthmother” letter, creating our adoption profile and learning the necessary networking tips and tricks to get our profile in circulation. In the month leading up to this workshop, Dustin and I will need to gather all of the needed documentation to gain approval to begin the home study. This documentation will include tax information, floor plans of our home, background checks, an autobiography, and letters of recommendation from several sources outside of our family, among other things. Once we’ve submitted the needed documentation and have attended our workshop, we can begin our home study. We were comforted to learn that the home study would not be as invasive as we expected. It turns out the entire home study can be completed with three interviews and one tour of our home, all of which can be conducted during the same visit.

Our social worker will submit the home study report, along with all of documents to the state who will review our request and approve us as potential adoptive parents in Texas. Upon approval, we will officially go “on the market” as a waiting family through our agency and our wait will begin.

We plan to keep our friends and family updated as we continue the process, and look forward to beginning this new journey together!

With love,

Lindsey and Dustin

You can't direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails

Our dear family and friends,

For those that have not already been informed, Dustin and I have decided to take a different route than was originally planned on this little journey of ours to parenthood. As many of you probably know, we have undergone five failed rounds of intra-uterine insemination and have been taking the necessary steps to prepare for IVF as this year comes to an end. As an alternative, we have decided opt out of any additional treatment, and expand our family through adoption. I’ve written this blog to tell you all about how we came to this conclusion and how we plan to go about this exciting new endeavor.

Recently, on the way home from a trip to visit family in Sulphur Springs, Dustin and I talked for hours about the upcoming hurdles we’re bound to face with the more invasive approach to our infertility treatment. Our Reproductive Endocrinologist has suggested a laparoscopy be done to determine if there are any internal issues or complications that our previous tests would not have picked up. Once the laparoscopy was done, we would continue with a two month long cycle of IVF in December, followed by six weeks of progesterone injections to ensure I carry the pregnancy. While the thought of pregnancy excites me, I can’t help but feel like taking such drastic measures (medically and financially) to have a biological child is not only selfish, but irresponsible when so many children are in need of the loving home that Dustin and I are capable of providing.

While we’re both very excited to take the steps to get this process started, Dustin and I have not always been on the same page as far as adoption goes. In the months leading up to our decision, Dustin originally wanted to exhaust all chances that pregnancy could occur through IUI as the process was not very invasive and was relatively affordable, which I of course could understand. This changed however, when IVF became a part of the plan. I made the comment similar to the one above about it being selfish to bring a life into the world when so many are in need of being saved, and that was it…in an instant, he was with me on this.

The remainder of the six-hour trip was filled with conversation about how we would go about this, and if this was something we had the patience and dedication to follow through with. We wondered what kind of questions would be asked during our home study, what our friends and families would have to say, and where to start. We couldn’t wait to get home and begin researching. In the midst of all of our questions and ramblings, I remembered that just a few days before, Dustin read me a status update on Facebook that one of his old professors posted about the adoption of his son. I suggested that he send him a message whenever we got home, to see if he had any advice to offer. Instead, Dustin called him right then and there, and I was happy to hear that he was just as excited as we were to discuss our adoption plans. We met with Don the following Saturday and were both intrigued and inspired by his story… this made us even more excited to get started.

 Just over the last few weeks, as we have shared our decision to adopt with close friends and family, we have been put in contact with several adoptive parents who seem so eager to share their story and help us get started on our journey to parenthood. So far, everyone has been more than helpful, and we’ve recognized that there is an entire community of adoptive families that we cannot wait to become a part of. We can only imagine the memories and friendships that will soon blossom as a result of our choice to adopt, and are anxious to fill all of you in every step of the way. 

With love,
Dustin & Lindsey Hebert

Fresh perspective...

Well, another month has passed, and still no luck. We got my blood pregnancy test back yesterday and again, it was negative. Of course, tears were shed and the confusion and frustration set in once more. This month's wait however has not been nearly as long and painful as it has been in the past. While I'm still very anxious to become a mother, I have adopted a new perspective on the matter over the last several weeks that has made a world of difference.

I dont know why my perspective has changed this month- believe me, I've been trying to change it since all of this began. It seems like everyone I've talked to since we started our treatment has the same advice: "Just don't stress!" DUH. I've always known that stressing could hinder the process, but its not so easy to stop worrying that I'll never get pregnant when we don't know what the problem is in the first place. I think only someone in this situation would be able to understand my feeling this way. In a way, its like being frustrated for two. Dustin and I are frustrated together as a couple who wants a family, but then I experience the same frustration all over again on my own, as a woman who just wants a baby.

It wasn't until recently however, that the importance of not stressing really sank in, and I've come to terms with where we are in this process. What I've realized is that its okay not to stress. Up until now, I've felt like I should feel guilty if I wasn't stressing about the infertility, as if it wouldn't happen because I didn't "care" enough...silly? I know.

Its funny how you can know something without actually knowing it, if that makes any sense. Its not like anything else that I have experienced in life so far. Generally, the rule is, if you want something, work hard for it, and if you don't get it, you've only got yourself to blame. Not in this case. It doesn't matter how badly I want it, there is physically only so much I can do and in the end, its all up to my body. This isn't an easy thing for a stubborn girl like myself to swallow, as simple as it may seem to an outsider. I am proud of myself though for recognizing this and doing so has lifted such a weight off of my shoulders...I feel like I can see the situation a little more clearly than before. Will we continue the infertility treatment until it finally works? Absolutely...but for now at least, I'm satisfied with where we are while it doesn't.

Home alone!

Is it terrible that I'm excited that Dustin and I are on different schedules at school now? Last Wednesday while he was in class, I was so excited to come home and catch up on all of the chores that were put off throughout the week, and this Wednesday I'm looking forward to get a bunch of baking done for a pot luck at work on Friday. I love feeling caught up on laundry and keeping the house as tidy as can be, but I tend to choose a movie night with Dustin and push the last load of dishes on the back burner when given the choice. Its funny how quickly I can fall behind again on laundry if I'm not careful... and its even funnier that I secretly think it will be easier to get motivated to do it when we have kids... yeah right. I do love that I usually have about an hour in the morning before leaving for work when I'm able to get little things done here and there throughout the house. However, I've given that up for the last week or so, as I requested to come in an extra three hours early every day for the end of last week and all of this week. I think the last thing I need these days is to be working 12 hour days, but we're trying to save up before we close on the house toward the end of November, and the paychecks sure are nice!

Speaking of which, we finally have a slab! We've been told by the construction manager and others that it is all downhill from here. They should begin framing this week, and we'll be on our way to moving into our brand new home by Thanksgiving week! I hope the estimated completion date is not an exageration... I just can't wait to see the final product.

On another note, this blogging thing is not going as well as I expected. Its much harder than I expected to find interesting topic to blog about, although I'll admit, it is a nice, creative outlet. Hopefully, I can keep it up...what a fun thing to look back on years from now. We'll see!

Only time will tell!

It has been a goal of mine to document everything that has occurred over the last few months with the process and progress of mine and Dustin's infertility treatment. Not only do I need an outlet to express my feelings and frustration on the matter, but also think that it is important to keep a record of this as it is such an enormous part of who I am right now, and will continue to shape me into the mother I will someday be.  I only wish I would have starting blogging when all of this started...little did I know the journey it would prove to be!

Lets begin with my story. In September of last year, at my yearly exam, I explained to my doctor that Dustin and I would start trying for kids in the next year, but that I was afraid we would have trouble, or that it would take longer than we might hope. She asked me questions about infertility issues in my family and in Dustin's, and I hesitantly explained that there are no traces of infertility in either of our families, and that in fact, most of the children on my side were unplanned. I figured this wouldn't be good for my argument, and I was right. I can't blame her for assuming that with my family history, my young age, and my (somewhat) healthy lifestyle, that I would be the poster child for pregnancy.

A few months later in February, I made another appointment when I realized something was off with my cycle. I wanted to make sure that if anything was wrong, we would be able to get it in check before we started trying. We did some blood work along with a few sonograms, and it was discovered that I was not ovulating as I should be. My doctor explained that the female body is a tricky thing, and sometimes these things happen. "You're healthy...and young", she said. "You have plenty of time for babies...if you try for a year, and nothing happens, come back and see me- We'll figure it out". This did not comfort me. In fact, it frustrated me beyond belief. After that series of appointments, I exploded with anger and cried to Dustin, who just couldn't find the words to comfort me...and who could blame him? "It is not up to HER when a good time for me to have children is" I thought, "It is up to US!" I only let this go on for about another month before I made an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist. We figured if there was any chance that we were going to have trouble conceiving, we'd better start sooner than we had originally planned.

Everyone at Dr. Hudson's office was nice and seemed to care more than they should have about mine and Dustin's desire to have a child. The first month and a half or so was dedicated to testing. I had one sonogram after another and vial after vial of blood drawn, and still no answers. Next, a hysterosalpingogram, or HSG test was ordered to see if I had any blockages in my fallopian tubes- negative. It was a bittersweet feeling every time we got a negative result on one of the tests. On one hand, it seemed that nothing was wrong. On the other, we weren't making any progress toward my treatment...or so I thought.

I was pleasantly surprised when during a follow up appointment, Dr. Husdon admitted that she still had no idea what was going on with me, but that this would not get in the way of moving forward with treatment... I was ecstatic. She put me on Clomid, a drug that helps stimulate follicle growth and induces ovulation. After five days on the drug, an injectable drug called Ovidrel, and a sonogram to check my progress, I was ready for my first intrauterine insemination, or IUI. Dr. Hudson explained that she did not believe that it would take more than 4 rounds of IUI before I became pregnant. After the procedure, I was required to lay flat on the table for at least ten minutes to rest before leaving the doctors office. Realizing that we could be on our way to parenthood within FOUR months, Dustin and I talked about what it would be like when it finally worked and how excited we were that we made the choice to see a reproductive endocrinologist. For the following two and a half weeks, I took another drug, Prometrium twice daily to produce a healthy uterus lining...and waited...and waited...and waited.

Finally my dreaded two week wait was up, and I was able to take a blood pregnancy test at the doctor's office. I was not surprised that the test was negative-- it was only my first IUI after all. I was surprised however, with how upset I was with the news. After a day or two, I came to terms with it, and decided this meant we were one IUI closer to becoming pregnant. We immediately started preparing for round two. The second month was much easier as we had a vacation to Florida planned for the majority of the two week wait following my IUI. Again, it came back negative, but because I had been so distracted and hadn't invested the same emotion into this round as I had the first, the unfortunate news was not nearly as upsetting to me. Still, I expressed my concern with Dr. Hudson that this would take longer that the four rounds she originally suspected. She comforted me and suggested that we schedule a follow up appointment if round three were to fail, to discuss other treatment options and increase my chances of conceiving. Overall, I was happy with progress we were making.

Month three however, was a different story. After the usual prep work in the weeks and days before an IUI, Dustin and I went in for the procedure on a Saturday morning feeling confident. We knew it would be a good day, because after the procedure, we were headed to the studio to pick out all of our appliances and upgrades for the new house. However, the procedure that had been painless in the past was extremely uncomfortable this time, and even caused me to bleed quite a bit. I had never experienced a pain like this before, but oddly enough was excited about the pain, as it was the only thing that had set this IUI apart from the ones that had previously failed. After several days, the pain finally went away, and I was still feeling confident about the outcome of this round. I don't know what it was, but I just knew this would be the one that worked. Of course, ten days into my 16 day wait, I took a home pregnancy test. Disappointed by the negative result, I went back to bed for a few more hours. While I was brushing my teeth that morning, I picked the test out of the empty trashcan and noticed the faintest little pink line. Excited, I told Dustin the good news, but that I didn't want either of us to get our hopes up. I decided to test again the next morning, since its suggested to ignore results that appear later than ten minutes after the test is taken. That night was like Christmas Eve as a child; I could barely sleep, I was so excited. I woke up the next morning at 4 a.m. and couldn't fall back asleep until I took the test. This time, the faint pink line appeared almost immediately. I was thrilled! I wanted to see the line get darker and darker as the days went by until my blood test at the doctor's office, so we picked up some more pregnancy tests at the store that night. The next morning, I tested again- negative. I was so confused, but Dustin suggested it may be too early and that we should buy a different brand that might be more sensitive. I agreed, and tested again the next morning- negative. The following morning- negative. I was devastated, and so angry with the first two tests that had given the false positive. That Friday at work, I made little eye contact with any of my co-workers, as I just didn't want to talk to anyone. I fought back tears all morning, and eventually decided I would take the rest of the day to myself. The following Monday, the negative result was confirmed when I went in for my blood work. Fortunately, I had cried all the tears I could cry in the days prior, so I made it through the rest of the day with grace.

Again, we decided our only option was to push forward and keep trying. We met with Dr. Hudson like she had promised, to discuss more treatment options. Dustin and I expected her to say that we should continue with the IUIs using the Clomid for a few more rounds before getting any more aggressive to avoid the risk of multiples. To our dismay, she suggested quite the opposite. She told us that she would like us to completely skip the next treatment step of IUIs using an injectable drug and move directly to IVF. We couldn't believe our ears. IVF sounded so serious...and so expensive. After looking at the cost (over $14,000) for one try at IVF, we decided that we simply could not afford this while we're building the house. What a frustrating situation: We were building the house to have more room for children, but we couldn't afford the next shot at having children because we're building the house! Against the advice of Dr. Hudson, we decided to move forward with the IUI/injectables rounds until the house was finished. It only increased our chances of conceiving to around 18%, but increased the risk of multiples to 1 in 5. This is where we stand now. Unfortunately, until the house is finished, this is our only option. We decided at that point, if I still was not pregnant, we would be able to finance the IVF.

Confident that this is the best decision for our current situation, we were excited to start the next more aggressive phase...that is, until we had yet another scare. Our next appointment, a routine sonogram turned into a nightmare when we discovered cysts on my one of my ovaries that although not harmful to me, would prevent us from moving forward with our next cycle. I was devastated. "If its not one thing, its another! This just ISN'T fair!" I screamed to Dustin as I cried on the ride home. Again, there were no words that could have comforted me. Luckily, my heartache was short-lived when my follow up sonogram showed that the cyst had disappeared. Once again, I couldn't contain my excitement... Talk about a roller coaster of emotions.

Right now, I'm taking the injectable medication every night until my follicles are mature enough for the next IUI. Hopefully, this round will be the one that works, but I'm trying very hard to keep my head up if we're not so lucky.

The more I talk with people about this, I hear stories about couples that tried for seven years with no luck, and just when they gave up, they were pregnant. Seven years? Ten years? This just simply is not an option for me. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that patience is not one of my best attributes. It is absolutely mind-boggling that couples can make it through the frustration that infertility brings for more than a few months. I know that when this is all over and we finally do have a child on the way, it will seem like no big deal. A few months or a year of anxiety and frustration is nothing compared to the lifetime of joy that a child will bring. For now however...I'm hangin' in there, and only time will tell!

On the blogging bandwagon...

Although hesitant about hopping on this blogging bandwagon everyone seems to be a part of, I finally decided to take the plunge and create a blog myself. While I hope this isn't the case, I have a feeling this new-found excitement will last for a few weeks before the hustle and bustle of life gets in the way of keeping up with it. Hopefully this is appealing enough that it will be of interest to someone other than myself. I'll start with some background information:

I met my amazing husband in an economics class here at a community college we were attending in 2008. At the time, we were focused on getting our basics out of the way so that we could move on to bigger and better things...never in a million years would either of us have thought that we would be married the following year. Strictly study buddies at first, it wasn't until December of  that year later that we made things official. Five months later, we were engaged, and five more months later, on October 24, 2009, we were married. I couldn't have picked a more perfect person to spend my life with.

We do not yet have any children, but we do have two adorable wittle pups that keep us laughing everyday- Molly & Cooper. I would love to say that Dustin and I are satisfied with being parents only to pets for a while longer, but this isn't the case. Originally, we decided to wait until September or October of this year to start trying for kids. If it were up to me, we would have started much sooner than this, but we understood that waiting until completing our degrees would be the best for our children. At the beginning of 2011 however, life threw us quite the little curve ball, which landed us in infertility treatment... but this story is far too long for an introduction. I'll post more about this story in the future.

On a more positive note, in preparation for children, we decided to say goodbye to our first home and begin building a much bigger home about four miles from where we were previously living. I thought selling the house would be a nightmare--but much less of a nightmare before we had a baby and all the clutter that can come with them. To my surprise, we had a contract on our house just ten days after it went on the market. We were sad to say goodbye to the our very first home, but are looking forward to the completion of the new house. For now, we are renting an outdated, little two bedroom house from a family friend until December when the new house is finished. Its very small, but over the last few weeks, I've gotten used to it. I'll post progress on the new house from time to time-- Here is one of the lot:

I think that that is enough background before I begin-- lets see how this goes!